Reflection

Tags

affliction, depression, faith, God, life, philosophy, poem, poetry, writing

 

Dear Lord the vision is seen
Affliction is due
And I am as I have always been
Believing you will see me through

Your fate cannot be rejected
And soon your subject will fall ill
Your judgment I have accepted
As I have and always will

I can’t comprehend the reasons
Your wisdom sometimes I can’t see
And this sad change of seasons
Won’t sway my faith in thee
And if it’s to be cleansed in thine earth
Then Blessed I am with this birth
©FAT 2016

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Possession

Tags

abuse, addiction, depression, despair, Loneliness, love, poem, poetry, thought of the day

The enemy you see in me;
Will never falter or surrender;
And unless you set me free;
For a life time I’ll linger;

I will plot I will conspire;
Until I take it all;
I’ll live with only one desire;
To take back my soul;

I allowed you to be my reality;
I became the voice of doubt;
Now I am on the edge of insanity;
Broken and trapped without;

My plot began;
And soon you shall resign;
Enjoy it while you can;
Enjoy this vessel of mine;

Poison me with fear, drugs or liquor;
Do as you wish and will;
Lay cuts on my arms or do whatever;
You will never break my will;

Cast my beloveds afar;
Scar my face with tears;
Those who’ll know who you are;
Will help me conquer my fears;

With time I’ll emerge victorious;
With time this vessel will heal;
And on a day so divine and glorious;
My heart will start to feel;

And if death one day call;
Before I reinstate my soul;
In laughter I will turn and roll;
And I’ll smile as I watch you fall;

Poison me with fear, drugs or liquor;
Do as you wish and will;
Lay cuts on my arms or do whatever;
You will never break my will.
©FAT 2016

Once Again United

Tags

depression, despair, fate, Loneliness, pain, poem, poetry, thought of the day, time

Well played my greatest teacher
Well played dear time
What was once a fearless creature
Rolls now in pain and grime

Knowing it’s a lost battle and cause
He still trusted fate
And against all his scars and laws
He willingly bit time’s bait

Thought time came to heal and mend
Thought this promise was an exception
Said goodbye to his only friends
Loneliness, pride and affliction

They smiled and helped him pack
They knew time’s game
They knew he would be back
A mockery in shame

He left one man’s land
With treacherous wraiths
Through dunes and dunes of sand
Chasing hope and faith

Upon the ruin’s door he stood
Final destination came fast
It smelled of rotten wood
Laced with his pain and past

He have been here before
He couldn’t be wrong
It’s the same old door
The same old sad song

The true faces now could be seen
And he knows what comes after
His companions will come clean
And fill the void with laughter

A familiar voice inside
Yelled Welcome back sit and rest
Our good friend “false pride”
died when you left

Loneliness sat at his feet
Affliction stood delighted
He just smiled in defeat
Then said once again united
It’s true all roads lead to Rome
And this is my one true home

©FAT 2016

My Drink,,,

Tags

depression, despair, life, my drink, poem, poetry

A dark lounge, sitting at the bar
In a well decorated nice venue
The Captain yelled from afar
“One minute Sir, I’ll bring the cocktails menu”

I laughed and said.

My drink is always strong, dark and neat
No sauce for me, mine is always pure
My drink is not, just a treat
My drink is simply,, a heavenly cure

My drink is a manly drink
And my drink is free of drugs
And I just don’t know what to think
When men ask, for blue bullfrogs

My drink will never unleash the beast
My drink is of peace and joy
Although in a Nordic feast
I’d be as bad as Viking boy

It’s never a reason for someone’s tears
It’s never someone else’s demons
It just serenades my ghosts and numbs my fears
And I believe those are enough good reasons

A sin that help my shoulders carries
These ghosts, these scars, this sin
Mankind cruelty, fears, and worries
Among the sins of peers, lovers, life and kin

A Temporary relief when the liquor sinks in
A sanctuary a refuge from what comes after
From these ghosts that dwell and lurk within
Their cries their tears their screams and laughter

It became the remedy
It was the only choice
A melody to cure my malady
Sang in a demon’s voice

Back to this eve
Last call, the bells are ringing
‘’we are not ready to leave’’
Is what my ghosts are singing

They normally follow with this verse
“Come on let’s play
We are a blessing not curse
And we are here to stay

We are bored of this keep
So let’s get going
Soon we’ll all need to sleep
And your princess is not coming

It’s not her shift
And here goes away the singers
Soon we’ll be the only ones left
Beside the memories that lingers

The bell have been rung
And the lights got stronger
Soon we’ll start to sing in tongue
If you keep us waiting longer

Alas, dear host we give up
All roads seem to lead to Rome
Our singing will stop
If you just take us home”
©FAT 2015

Alcoholism shouldn’t be glorified, if you think you suffer from alcohol abuse or alcoholism get help,,

my exile my sanctuary

Tags

depression, exile, hope, life, Loneliness, love, poem, poetry, sanctuary

No soul shall carry the sin of another
Nor will I ever blame a brother-
For his brother’s deeds
And the one true mother
Is who raised, nursed, fed and bathed
And that’s not always whom carried the seeds

I think I have ran out of luck
Reality cruelly struck
And virtue is, a fool’s disease
To my word I’ve stuck
And became their mock
Now Here I am, on bended knees

For almost forty years
I could not shed my tears
Behind these smiles, I lived and hid
Now the end is nigh and near
And my utmost fear
Is those tears will burst before I am dead

Those pages I have not turned
Stained, reeked, scared and burned
As they marched through my soul
And the heart that have once yearned
Seems to have finally learned
That its past won’t stop until it conquers all

Can’t run away that far
Can’t leave behind no scar
They are all what I breathe and see
And as horrid as they are
They became my northern star
They became the essence that makes me

Banished good and evil souls
Built a few high walls
And thought I would win
But after forty falls
I heard a wise voice calls
The danger is not without, it lurks deep within

Even if now I want to try
These walls are just too high
I’ll just wait right here and except my fate
Every dawn before light engulfs the sky
To loneliness I’ll say “goodnight goodbye,
Till we meet tonight my dear soulmate”

No one’s fault that I bit life’s bait
Or that it’s now a bit too late
To hope, to love to try to live
Always thought that life would wait
But here I am,locked out behind the gate
With nothing to take, nothing to give

It took a little while
To get used to my exile
My sanctuary which now I call home
Loneliness is cold and vile
But the heart learns to smile
And to freely roam

Destiny one can’t surpass
And more scars will come to pass
That is my fate and my life design
Sigh, sigh and alas alas
Stranded but this too shall pass
I’ll live what could be lived and I won’t resign

They said life is a big school
And can teach the greatest fool
Without a fee for admission
And if you are not above the rule
The lessons are harsh and cruel
And it’ll always end  by submission
©FAT 2015

Still dreaming

Tags

depression, despair, destiny, dreaming, life, Loneliness, poem, poetry, sanctuary, thought of the day

I have accepted my destiny
Delegated my affairs to my creator
God was forever kind to me
And I pray he will be later

With an ancient sword and cane
I am seeing this journey through
What’s left can’t cause more pain
Than what I have seen and knew

These aging bones won’t give up
They plea for more in screams
This aching soul begs for the journey to stop
While it secretly dreams

I dream of a sanctuary
Made of wood or clay
With a lake that doesn’t freeze in January
A place where I can peacefully lay

Where my bo can thrust
Through the misty air
And the sword that I trust
Remains in pure despair

Where crawlers crawl
Free from tarmac and tire
And when the sun sinks and falls
I build a glorious fire

Where there is only paper and quill
Where there are no street lights
Where a fever can paralyze and kill
Where there are no fracking rights

Where banks can’t thrive
By exploiting student loans
Where you are not kept alive
To serve someone’s throne

Where poison doesn’t make half your meal
Where the air is pure
Where everything grown is real
And can be an illness cure

Half way through life’s funnel
With regrets but proud
Wasted a life time in this tunnel
Living among the crowd

No empathy is needed
No helping hand is desired
I’ve accepted I have conceded
The chances I had and now expired

Alas, turning back is fateful
The waves are high
And Moving forward is getting painful
But I’ll still try

More than half is gone
And I will serve the rest
Not caring if I‘d be all alone
Until my final rest

I have accepted my destiny
Delegated my affairs to my creator
God was forever kind to me
And I pray he will be later

©FAT 2015

Tearless eyes,,,

Tags

depression, Loneliness, love, poem, poetry, tearless eyes

Dear eyes why can’t you weep
Dear eyes why can’t you cry
The tears have dug too deep
But The well is full not dry

Cast away these demons
That haunts my night
Pour out all the reasons
And make it right

Bless me with forgiveness
And make me forget
what we have suffered and witnessed
what we have faced and met

Dear crow the tears won’t show
Would you lend a hand?
Make them fall and flow
Right here where we stand

My liege my old friend
I can’t lift this curse
Tears won’t go with the wind
And their scars are worst

It’s a river that we can’t stop
and we’ll have to endeavor
It starts with a single drop
then it will rain forever

forgive me my liege
For I have failed
your wish is out of reach
your curse prevailed

Your tears will burn inside
and they’ll leave some scars
souvenirs that will reside
Of lost battles and wars

the scars will always grow
but we can’t Wear them in pride
Those who look closely will know
what we mask and hide

alas, You are free to leave
I’ll just gather my strength
Inside ill shall weep and grieve
for you and my tears, have failed me at length

And I know fate isn’t done with me yet
Fate has more games to play
and I know I can safely bet
That I’ll lose and pay

I wish they would tear me apart
Perhaps right then they’ll yield
when they find her carved in my heart
beneath the mask and shield

my liege if I may
An advice to give
No gain in pain I say
And she deserve to live
one day memories will be gone
And we will carry on

©FAT 2015

I will carry on……..

Tags

depression, hope, Loneliness, love, poem, poetry, struggle

I am your doing,,
I am your creation,,,
Reduce me to nothing but ruin
Leave nothing but the foundation

Ruins are destined to be buried
For time is forever unkind
I am neither bothered nor worried
Preservation I don’t mind

These dunes are climbing my wall
Soon they will reach the top
I pray before the reaper call
The right one digs me up

Walk and never look back
I will hold my ground
Happiness might never come back
But I will come around

Let the stars be my lights
Let the sun warm my skin
Let the wolves sing at night
Let the moon tuck me in

Let the wind clear my sight
Let the rain cleanse my soul
Of regrets that I played it right
Regrets that I gave it all

The sky pours and rumbles
To tell me I am not alone
Telling me not fall and crumble
To stand and carry on

I am your doing
I am your creation
Reduce me to nothing but ruin
Leave nothing but the foundation
In solitude but not alone
And I’ll stand and carry on

©FAT 2015